May 20
I put a good deal on paper yesterday, and yet not all. I was, in truth, hoping against hope, against conviction, against too conscious self-judgement. I scarcely dare own the truth now, yet it relieves my aching heart to set it down. Yes, I love him that is the dreadful fact, and I can no longer parry, evade, or deny it to myself, though to the rest of the world it can never be owned……
—Alicia’s Diary Thomas Hardy
五月二十日
我昨天寫了很多，但卻不是全部。實際上，我總是希望違背希望，違背信念，違背太自覺的自我批判。我現在幾乎不敢承認這個事實，然而它卻減輕我痛苦的心，使他安撫下來。是的，我愛他，那是可怕的事實，而且我不能夠再躲開、逃避，或者是對自己否認，雖然對世界上的其他人而言，這項事實是永遠不會被承認的……
—《愛莉雪的日記》，托姆斯哈代
Spring
